Sun....Piseces
Moon...Taurus
Time...3:43pm
Mood...good
Sound...Judge Hatchet
Weather...41 degrees and sunny in DC
BirthdayShoutOutsTo: Peter Fonda, WEB Dubois, Handel, Johnny Winter.

QuoteDiva sez: "Happiness depends on ourselves."

-aristotle

MY SIX MINUTES STARTS......NOW!! hmm...

Ten years ago I came across the most life changing quote,..."Affirmation without action is delusion." At first I didn't quite get it but over the next few years I had a lesson in it!

What does it mean? It means you can hope, wish, pray, dream all you want but if you don't get your ass in gear and really get proactive in what it is you want out of life, you will not get it. I'm not saying miracles can't happen but I think for most of us, things don't just fall into our laps. And if they do, we end up taking them for granted and they quickly dry up and disappear and we fall back into old ways because we didn't learn a profound enough lesson thus we are doomed to repeat it.

During my time here in this Stream I've read about people with illness, spouses have up and left, children have been sick, people have lost jobs, people have gotten pregnant, lost friends, endured abuse, feelings have been hurt, people have been looking for soul mates etc...

I'm not saying the following will help YOU but this "secret" helped me. I put quotes around secret because suddenly there's this new book and dvd out there called the secret. Well I almost have to laugh because in my ignorance, I've known the secret for years I just didn't put any real serious effort into it!

Let's go back to that quote...what is affirmation? Affirmations are things you say, think or read that help you have a more positive outlook...what is action? It's when you put some energy into something. And delusion? That's when you fool yourself.

About two years ago I made this "magical" shift in my mental outlook and that's when things started taking off for me. Up until then, it was simply a mess of misdirected hopes, half-hearted dreams and weak intentions. Oh sure I put a lot of energy into my dreams and desires...oh yes, I talked a lot about them and I wrote about them and I complained about my scarcity. But that's all I really did.

I spent 14 years in a marriage that I didn't feel good about and then I spent 4 years on my own that were even tougher than the marriage in regards to finances and as you know when one has bad finances, it bleeds over to other parts of your life.

Finally, a few years ago I woke up and "got it!" It finally dawned on me what I had been doing wrong. I'm not going to tell you the wrong things I did, I'm going to tell you what I did right! I don't know if it will help but here's my story and advice.

1.)I finally recognized that I needed to make a full blown commitment to changing the circumstances I was in at the time.
(To which I asked myself, wow, how do I even begin to change? But that wasn't important, the first step was simply me saying/crying/praying/screaming: I WANT TO CHANGE!!! And for the first time in my life really meaning it, soul-deep.)

2.)I really gave it some thought...HOW am I going to change? I wrote down my situations and some possible ways to help myself. I gave it much thought and I actually came up with more solutions than ever before. The 'how's' came to me when my head was clear enough and I was silent enough to hear the wee small voice within!)

3.)When things didn't work out on the first try, I tried a different tack...and that was different because in the past, when things didn't work out, I stopped trying and started complaining.

4.)I did it...I just did the thing. I finally stopped talking, praying, whining, crying, worrying and I DID something! Anything was better than nothing!

I also went back and really thought why was I so obstinate about changing. Why was I not changing? I thought long and hard and found out why I couldn't seem to change before. If I wanted to conquer these fears, I would have to face them and work through them. And I did. To conquer your fear you have to really understand it. And you can't change what you don't acknowledge.

Over the next couple of years things finally started changing. No, nothing happened overnight. But I could feel a change. Little things were suddenly easier. Big things had the edge taken off them.

Believe that you can have what you want and need. But be careful what you wish for because you want it if it's for your higher good!

Act on that belief. Know you deserve it, know you can have it. Talk like you already do! Stop the negative talk because whatever, WHATEVER you think about, obsess over, will E-X-P-A-N-D! So you want it to be allll good stuff! Sure, at first you will feel inauthentic and like you are having to don rose colored glasses when you don't feel very rosy but know this is something you have to work through. As with any "habit" the bellyaching and kvetching will be such a habit it will be hard to break. But soon you'll create a new habit, a habit of positivity.

Let go of some of the worries....get into the flow...let gooooo!

And here's the part we sometimes forget...be THANKFUL! Thank the powers that be or whomever you feel most comfortable thanking! Thank as if you've already received all that you want! Attitude of gratitude!!! Its like going through life with your palms up and in receiving position...it's easier to catch the blessings.

AFFIRM AND BELIEVE....ACT ON YOUR AFFIRMATIONS AND BELIEF....LET GO!....and THANK!!!!!!!!!

This is my story...this is what worked for me. If you are sitting there thinking 'but it can't be so easy for me?" What makes me so much different than you? I'm certainly not better! I have the same fear, insecurities and have had great sadness and disappointments in my life.

And let's be completely honest...most of the situations we get ourselves in,...we brought upon ourselves. Not all, but most, wouldn't you agree? So now what are you going to do about them? Your thoughts create your choices, your choices create your circumstances and it's HOW you choose to deal with your circumstances that define your character.

You can do it! But it won't happen until you finally become absolutely definite in your commitment and you act! No more simply praying, wishing, desiring, wanting, hoping. (OR whining, crying, complaining, belly-aching, kvetching!!!!)

Believe in the power of manifestation....what you can believe in and act on, you can achieve. Manifest, manifest, manifest and MEAN IT!

I'm not religious but I am spiritual and while I have my issues with the Bible, it does hold many jewels! One of my most favorite gems sums up the power of manifestation for me,..."Therefore I say unto you, what things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them and ye shall have them."

God Bless and Namaste!

-pr-

WITH HER PERMISSION, I AM POSTING THIS AS MANY PEOPLE HAVE PM'D ME TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO HER! YOU CAN FIND HER VIA MY BLOG AS I HAVE IT BOOKMARKED. IT'S KAT RETURNS---WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND.

IT'S AN ABSOLUTELY LUDICROUS AND UNTHINKABLE REASON WHY SHE HAD TO DEACTIVATE BUT AS I'M SURE WE ALL HAVE HAD TO DEAL WITH BUREAUCRACY/POLITICS TO SOME DEGREE OR ANOTHER IN OUR LIFE, IT SHOULD NOT COME AS TOOOO MUCH OF A SURPRISE.

AS I TOLD THESE CONCERNED FRIENDS...LET'S FOCUS ON POSITIVE THINGS FOR KAT. SHE NEEDS ALL THE HAPPY VIBES SHE CAN GET RIGHT NOW AND SINCE WHAT WE THINK ABOUT E-X-P-A-N-D-S....IT'S VERY IMPORTANT TO KEEP THAT FOREMOST IN YOUR MIND. I SUGGESTED WE CONCENTRATE OUR BEAUTIFUL ENERGIES IN CONSTRUCTIVE WAYS...A BETTER SITUATION FOR HER SON, MICHAEL...A PEACE AND UNDERSTANDING AND PATIENCE FOR KAT AND AN ABILITY TO TAKE BACK WHAT IS HERS...HER FREEDOM OF SELF EXPRESSION VIA HER BLOG.

SHE POURS HER HEART OUT AND TRIES TO BE POSITIVE HERSELF AND I'D LIKE TO THINK WE ARE HELPING HER TO FEEL SOME MUCH NEEDED SUPPORT FROM OUR LITTLE BLOGGING COMMUNITY!

HERE NOW, HER EMAIL:

HI RUBBLE,

THANKS FOR YOUR CONCERN......NO........THINGS ARE PRETTY ROUGH RIGHT ABOUT NOW. THE COUNTY AND MICHAEL'S FACILITY FELT "INTIMIDATED AND THREATENED" BY THE BLOG APPARENTLY AS SOMEONE HAD SEEN IT ON THE INTERNET AND THEY ARE A VERY VINDICTIVE AND RETALIATORY GROUP. THEY PURPOSEFULLY TOOK MICHAEL TO ALL THE PLACES IN THE BLOG (WHICH HE NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO FIND ON HIS OWN) WHICH WOULD BE HURTFUL PLACES FOR HIM TO GO......THE ABANDONMENT BY HIS FATHER, THE SELLING OF THE FARM, WHAT HIS FATHER THINKS OF HIM, ETC. THIS WAS EXTREMELY VINDICTIVE, RETALIATORY AND CRUEL BEYOND BELIEF. MICHAEL WAS IN TEARS BY THE TIME THEY WERE DONE WITH HIM AND THEN THEY (THE COUNTY OFFICIALS ALONG WITH THE COUNTY PSYCHIATRIST) STARTED IN ON ME STATING THAT "A GOOD MOTHER WOULD NEVER HAVE POSTED THOSE THINGS ABOUT HER CHILD", ETC, ETC. I GOT OFF THE PHONE AND BAWLED FOR WHAT SEEMS LIKE FOREVER THINKING OF HOW MICHAEL MUST HAVE FELT WITH THESE SO CALLED PROFESSIONALS PURPOSEFULLY TAKING HIM TO THE DIFFICULT AREAS AND ACTUALLY READING THEM TO HIM! THEY HAVE ALSO CALLED AN EMERGENCY MEETING FOR TOMORROW AT 11 A.M. AS THEY HAVE SAID THAT THE BLOG HAS CAUSED MICHAEL A MAJOR SETBACK IN HIS FUTURE!!!!! DEEP DOWN I KNOW THEY ARE DOING THIS OUT OF VINDICTIVENESS, FEAR, INTIMIDATION AND RETALIATION AND I'M SURE THEIR PURPOSE IN THE MEETING TOMORROW WILL BE TO HOLD ME DOWN AND FEED ME THE GUILT UNTIL I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE.

ANYWAY, I DID THE ONLY THING THAT I COULD THINK OF, WHICH IS TO DEACTIVATE THE BLOG SO THAT MICHAEL DOESN'T SEE ANYMORE AND THEY DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO "SHOW HIM" AND START A NEW BLOG THAT MAINLY FOCUSED ON ME AND LIFE AND JUST BASICALLY START OVER BUT I WILL BE GETTING OUT A PERSONAL E-MAIL TO THOSE STREAMERS (LIKE YOU AND HAWK) WHO STOOD BY ME AND FURTHER EXPLAIN AS I HAVE JUST DONE WITH YOU.

I AM STILL WRITING THE BOOK BUT IT IS BEING WRITTEN ON MY WORD PROCESSOR AND WILL NOT BE SEEN BY ANYONE UNTIL I HAVE FINISHED WRITING IT. GOD RUBBLE, I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO JUST SIT DOWN AND CRY UNTIL NO TEARS ARE LEFT, OR TO RIP SOMEONE'S HEAD OFF (WHICH IS NOT MY STYLE) BUT WHEN YOU HURT MY CHILD, YOU HURT ME..........AND MICHAEL IS DEFINITELY HURTING TONIGHT.

SO: MY NEW BLOG IS UNDER THE NAME OF "KAT RETURNS" AND IS CALLED "WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND".

I HAVE ALSO WRITTEN TO LUCY EXPLAINING THE SITUATION AND ASKING IF SHE WOULD BE WILLING TO POST THAT INFO ON HER SITE TOMORROW AS I KNOW EVERYONE READS HER SITE AND TO BE TRUTHFUL I'M NOT SURE WHAT SHAPE I'LL BE IN AFTER "THEIR EMERGENCY MEETING' TOMORROW.

I KNEW ALL ALONG THAT THEY WERE VERY POLITICALLY DANGEROUS AND NOT ETHICAL IN THEIR APPROACH TO THINGS BUT THIS IS INCOMPREHENSIBLE TO ME!

I HOPE I'LL SEE YOU AROUND ON THE NEW SITE. I'LL BE LOST WITHOUT MY STREAM FRIENDS.....ESPECIALLY THE ONES WHO WRITE TO ME ALL THE TIME LIKE YOU AND HAWK. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SHARE THIS WITH HIM........THANKS.

I HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH YOU.

LOVEYOU, KAT

Sun...Pisces
Moon...Aries (watch the foot in mouth disease!! Were rather impulsive today!)
Time...2:57PM
Mood...o.k.
Weather...52 and sunny in DC...snow is melting. Watch out for falling ice!
BirthdayShoutOutsTo:
1986 Charlotte Church (opera singer)
1979 Jennifer Love Hewitt (actress)
1958 Alan Trammell (baseballer)
1955 Kelsey Grammer (actor)
1946 Tyne Daly (singer)
1943 David Geffen (record executive)
1936 Barbara Jordan (US Congresswoman)
1935 Rue McClanahan (actress)
1927 Erma Bombeck (Fiste) (humorist, columnist, writer)
1925 Sam Peckinpah (director)
1903 Anais Nin (writer)


QuoteDiva sez: "I've arrived at this outermost edge of my life by my own actions. Where I am is thoroughly unacceptable. Therefore, I must stop doing what I've been doing."

-alice koller

MY SIX MINUTES STARTS.....NOW!! hmmm....

About a month ago I woke up daydreaming one morning. The daydream was of me receiving a phone call. When I picked up the phone, the voice was familiar. It was me! I was calling myself! But the twist to the story is the fact that it was a 61 year old Rubble. And she told the 44 year old Rubble some things that I really needed to hear! They were things I KNEW already, things I had been avoiding..one of the things she said was GET BACK IN SHAPE!

Last night I was just about to go to bed when I looked up on the wall and behind me is this photo my dad took of me when I was just 11 years old. When I look at this photo, I see a very innocent Rubble with a clean slate and a world as my oyster.

I started thinking what if a 44 year old Rubble could have come to the younger Rubble and told her some things. What would they have been?

Not that I think I would have done anything different but here's what I would have told her...er, me!

..."Dear Rubble, please work harder in school. And focus on improving your math skills if you don't it's the math that will get in the way of your achieving good things. Try harder in school and dance so you have no regrets later in life. Appreciate your mother more and be a little bit more forgiving of her. I know she can be a bit quirky but she's your biggest fan and you will only have her around another 9 years.

Remember how you always pretend that you have two little girls, Robin and Millie...well congratuations! YOU WILL have two little girls, one WILL remind you of the older, wiser, more stubborn Robin and the younger, cuter, more outgoing, Millie. She will be your mini-me! Don't think your father is trying to tell you what to do when he gently nudges you to do something more than teaching dance...he'll just be worried about you surviving financially. He will ALWAYS want you to go back to school.

You will meet a man when you are 23 and when you are 24 you will get pregnant and have three kids (yup, God's going to give you Robin, Millie and one extra,..A BOY!) Go ahead and be with this man. But you won't find your most perfect man until you are 43...I know, I know, it sounds like a long, long time but he will be worth it! And by the way, you will meet him in two years! But you won't get together until 2005!!! Hang in there...and oh yeh, in two years you will meet a boy who you will fall in love with and you'll want a life with him....Jimmy won't be the one for you and his life will become very hard for him medically.

And the one man you meet when you're 40...you'll fall in love with him too! Guess what....he won't be the one either! I'm proud of you little Rubble for not smoking or using drugs! You're a good kid and you will be a reasonably happy person and respected in the community. I love you!"

Then I would hug me very tightly and tell myself, I'll always be with you.

-pr-

Sun...PISCES!!! HAPPY SOLAR YEAR ALL YOU PISCEANS! GLUB GLUB!
Moon...See that sliver...it's in Aquarius and a new moon.
Mercury...still Retrograde...look out for delays, snafus, lost keys!
Time...2:10PM
Mood...headache
Weather...34 and sunny in DC
BirthdayShoutOuts To: OUR OWN MR. WALT!!!
And...1966 Justine Bateman (actress)
1963 Seal (singer)
1955 Jeff Daniels (actor)
1943 Lou Christie (Lugee Sacco) (singer)
1940 Smokey (William) Robinson (singer)
1930 John Frankenheimer (director)

QuoteDiva sez: "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." -Albert Einstein

MY SIX MINUTES BEGINS....NOW! ....hmm...



After the heavy post of yesterday-I'm not in the mood to tackle anything else profound. (see yesterday's post and you'll understand why my angle is lighter fare for the day.)

Instead I'd like to discuss Britney's hair and Lou Christie and other silly things. As Randy 420 would call it..."StupidSerious!"

#1)For a big laugh (or a little giggle) (or total shock!) use my blog to get to Misty's blog, "Life Is Not One Big Joke." Check out today's post with the "BAD DAY YOU TUBE POST" Hysterical and eye-poppin'...warning, some visuals are a bit gross...but if you have a slightly warped sense of humor sometimes, like I do, you'll be o.k., with it!

#2)Kat of "A Road Less Traveled" experienced something that I have a big fear of...her young son accidentally closed a gate on her fingers thus breaking them. (^%$#@!! I know, right!?) Please send her a good word...BUT in honor of her boo-boo, you must do it with ONE HAND!!! I did...realized I can be dyslexic when I try and type with just my right hand!

#3)I almost can't blame Britney for letting loose with the shears. In my adult years I've often taken out frustration on my hair. I frankly had long hair in the past not for me but for the world! My hair, when it's long is thick and wavy..woo-hoo..it also is hot, hard to keep off my face and caused headaches because of the weight. My hair, joy of your life, bane of my existance! Nope, if it was just me, I'd have it short, real short. So in a spirit of compromise, I am keeping it shoulder length. BUT since my fiance has never seen me with long hair (well he did in 9th grade but he doesn't remember, that WAS 30 years ago!) I am trying, TRYING to grow it out...will continue to do it as long as I can stand it.

Sure, the whole hair thing could be a meltdown in the making or simply a statement of AARRGGHHHH Sure she brought a lot of it on herself but I can't say I haven't felt that way (just not to THAT degree) life HAS pushed me almost that far! Do we have another Anna on our hands...who knows...but until we know different, I will chalk her hair up to just one of those GIRL THANGS!

#4)I was telling Walt about the most embarrassing celeb. moment I had with another birthday boy, Lou Christie. For those of you youngies out there who don't know who he is, he was a pop singer in the 60s. He sang, "Lightening Striking Again" and "Two Faces Have I"

Anyway...this one night he was in town and doing a mini concert at this "hop". My dance teacher/friend hooked me up with a date (the dreaded blind date! It was my first, unfortunately, not the last.) It was 1983...I was 21... My date's name was, no joke, GUY and he looked JUST LIKE KIP in "Napoleon Dynamite" and why my boss would think he was MY TYPE!!???? The four of us are standing there in the audience, "Kip" is swaying too and fro like a geek, (no rhythm) and I'm getting into it cause I love the oldies and suddenly Lou invites someone up to the stage. My boss grabs my hand and says, "RUBBLE WANTS TO!" Lou helps me up and I'm a bit embarrassed but I soon shake my shyness (me shy on stage...yeh, for like ONE SECOND! )...and I start doing the watusi and dirty dog with him! He's singing and smiling, I'm singing...

I get off stage and geeky Kip whispers in my ear...I think he's going to say, you looked HOT UP THERE RUBBLE!!! But instead he says,..."Your zipper was down the whole time you were up there!"

What's worse, a hot looking guy telling you your zipper is down or a geek telling you your zipper was down the whole time you were dancing with a 60's singing legend, in front of hundreds of people?

Hmm...toss up.

That was our last dance...that was Kip's and my last date! I didn't go on another blind date for another 18 years!

MY SIX MINUTES IS UP!

-pr-

Sun..Pisces
Time...2:34PM
Weather...32 degrees in DC
Mood...troubled, a little sad.
Sound...Bob Lassiter air checks.
BirthdayShoutOutsTo: John Travolta, Toni Morrison
(writer), Helen Gurley Brown, Matt Dillon, Dr. Dre.

QuoteDiva sez: "Never trouble trouble 'til trouble troubles you." -anon.

MY SIX MINUTES STARTS...NOW! .... ...

Three times since Thanksgiving, my future Mom In Law was found in her home in precarious health conditions. Twice before she has rebounded enough to go back home. But this time is different. A maid came in a few days back and found her slumped in a chair, barely breathing.

She made a living will that said she does NOT want to be kept alive. The dr. and the pulmonary specialist both agreed, this time might be the last. It looks that dicey. My fiance left for FL this morning. As I sit here, I'm reminded of my father's last months. Every time the phone rang at work, my heart would sieze up. As it turned out, my father died while I was at home; dying in his sleep. But I know what it's like to watch your parents die, waiting for them to die. I feel so bad for my fiance. I know what he's thinking. At least now he's down there with his sister. He couldn't be there for his father's last days. He still feels guilty about that.

I'm always torn. On one hand I'm sometimes sorry I don't have my parents to share the good times or to have them around to console me. Then again, when I see my friends dealing with their aging parents and I read your stories here on this blogsite, I think, 'thank God, I don't have to see my parents age.' My father and mother died in their 50s, mom from cancer, dad from congestive heart failure. It was a long goodbye in each case. It was tough to live through.

The part I feel guilty about in this situation...I'm hoping that this is the end for MIL. Fiance and sister have gone through a lot of frustrations with the system and a stubborn mother. Fiance is resigned to whatever the fates have in store but it still hurts to know your mother of 44 years is about to leave you, as you once knew her, here on this earthly plane. I'm guilty for thinking like this instead of for her to get better. Even if she gets a little bit better, she will still have emphysema and it is assured, this time, she will NOT go home again but end up in a nursing home. My grandmother had to spend years in one...it was depressing. I don't want to see MIL in one and neither would fiance.

I don't ask for any prayers other than a warm thought that as she goes, she goes gently. Something tells me she was waiting for her son to come to her. Well, he's there now-perhaps it's time to say goodbye.

-pr-