Sun...Scorpio (still kinda' intense out there.)
Moon...Gemini (good for blogging about light-hearted stuff)
Mercury...still Retrograde so...still a lot of snafus and mix-ups and misunderstandings until around the 20th )
Phase...slowly coming out of full (MEDITATE!)
Time...1:30pm
Weather...59 degrees and light drizzle in DC
Sound...Mannheim Steamroller (yeh, I like X-Mas music in Nov. IF ITS OVERCAST..weird huh? It's soothing actually! )
Mood...good
BirthdayShoutOuts to: Jack Osbourne (Oz's kid) (#21)Morley Safer and the author of Gone With The Wind, Margaret Mitchell, she'd be 108!)

QuoteDiva sez: "You have ONE advantage over me, you can kiss my ass and I can't!"

SabianSymbol Challenge: 22 degrees Cancer. A young woman awaiting a sailboat. There's a strong sense that the ideal will come if you wait long enough. The waiting can lead to a pleasurable expectation but don't become dependent on unreliable expectations. Waiting for one's ship to come in. Caution: missing opportunities through emotional inaction.


I am a waiter...I do sit there and wait until the ship comes in...instead of swimming out to meet it. Why do I do that, because deep down (hell, not so deep down.)I am afraid of rejection and letting people down. I'm afraid of failure.

If I was sitting in front of a therapist and she/he was to ask me when I first felt like this I would say in any year of school, when it came to Math. I feel my biggest fears in math and anything having to do with money. I don't like dealing with numbers or banking.

When I was 12 I had to sell candy bars for my dance company and I got so screwed up because I was letting my friends take a candy bar now and pay later and then I had to take some of my allowance to cover it and finally I just dug such a hole, I didn't know what end was up money wise. I was found out when I handed my stuff in (remaining candy bars and monies)to my dance teacher and she must have done some calculations and said WHATTHEFU....??? She called my mom one evening, mom didn't know what it was about because I never went to her for help like I should have (because I was ashamed! Mom couldn't spell to save her life but she could do math in her head!) So I had to get on the phone and talk to my teacher and tell her how I got all fouled up.

She wasn't kind. She disgraced me. I felt I had really let her down.

Then when I got off the phone (which if you read my LINESMEN post, you'll know I DETEST THE PHONE (maybe I also subconsciously equate phone with demeaning experience?) ...when I got off the phone, mom gave me the riot act.

Fine, now I knew I was STUPID IN MATH and A HORRIBLE BIZNIZ WOMAN!

Further moments of feeling like a failure happened while a member of a dance company (an easy thing to feel like in a prestigious ballet company!) Sometimes you are too big for a costume, (hard to imagine when I only weighed 98 at the time but anyway...)sometimes you weren't getting the steps right, sometimes you weren't on time for a rehearsal etc...

High school math was a continuing struggle. I was in advance placement history and English courses and yet I dog paddled in the most basic math along side of the scourges of the school.

Then I became an adult and of course with that comes its own host of failure moments.

Now at the age of 44 I find myself still the type that needs help swimming out to my boat. Otherwise I will continue to wait for my ship to come in.

Thankfully, now in this time of my life I have a good man by my side who is more than willing to take me out to the ship in his little rowboat or pilot a tugboat and bring the damn thing to me!

I know he can open doors but I will have to feel the fear of failing and do it anyway when it's my time to pursue my new career. It's something I've never done before and the audience to fail in front of will be bigger but if I don't try I will sit and vegetate or go back to something tried and true (that I'm not interested in doing, childcare)...either way, I'll look back with regret.

He can open doors for me but I will have to prove myself. I will have to shake the nerves and all that underlying fear of failure and grow a tough skin. Unfortunately in these new endeavors I want to try, writing, acting, voice over... they are all types of things that you can fall on your face a million times and if you don't get up, you perish because there are a million other people who will trample over you to get the gig.

I'm not truly sure I am cut out for acting and voice over deep down. Do I have a raw talent, yes, do I have what it takes deep down?

I don't know.

But I do know that if I don't try, I will never know and years later I'll be sitting on the shore with regret, wishing I had not waited for my ship to come in.

~pr~

Sun...Scorpio
Moon...Gemini (not a great time to hafta' get bogged down in details)
Phase...coming out of full moon.
Time...11am
Weather...48 degrees and overcast in DC
Sound...I popped in my XMAS CD to take my mind off the elections!
Mood...SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE PREVIOUS TWO DAYS IN MIGRAINE-VILLE!!! My fiance's pain killer yesterday was sweet blessed relief around 7:30pm last night!
BirthdayShoutOuts To: Joni Mitchell(#63) Billy Graham (#88) and the conductor of the Boston Pops, Keith Lockhart (#47)

QuoteDiva sez: "Just remind me in the future times to lie, deny and otherwise muddy the waters lest my aura of mystery dissipate as a morning mist." -Mr. Ornery! Surprise!

Sabian Symbol Challenge: 20 degrees cancer. Venetian Gondolier In A Serenade. You may find the pleasure of romantic fantasy. Break out from the constraints of expectation and let yourself float on the pleasure of romance. Singing and music. Performances, public speaking. Caution: insincere charade masking what's really going on. Retreating into oneself.



I could go several ways with that one. On one hand I want to write about my performing as it is something that I've always loved doing. On the other hand, the part about insincere charade speaks to me. Flip a coin:...winner is....

PERFORMING: The other day Schree pm'd me and said that I should call into the radio show, in regards to astrology. I had to laugh. It seemed ironic, here I am someone that has had a lifetime of performing and public speaking and I am nervous to call into to radio show! I want a life in voice over work and just the thought of talking on the radio air waves has me dry mouthed! Oh well!

My history of performing started off in a Christmas Pageant. I played an angel. (type casting) I then moved on to those silly dance recitals that so many of you have been stuck going to! My father taught school during those first few years and recital always fell in the beginning of June so he'd literally be grading exams and stuff during my recitals. He would bring along a pen-light flashlight and mom would nudge him for my one BIG number. Thankfully, the more dances I was in and the better I got, the less he felt the need to occupy himself when I wasn't on stage.

In 1977 I became a member of a prestigious ballet company. I did many performances with them.

But it wasn't until I hit 20 and quit, realizing I did not have a ballerina body or the heart of one that my future was marked for me. I joined a local dance troupe and chances of performing were better for me as I found myself a big fish in a smaller pond. The company was more theatrical based in their dance style and for the first time I took tap and jazz and loved it although ballet remained my first love and forte.

I got to do A LOT of dancing around the area and sometimes I would announce the shows. I appeared in a coke commercial in '83 (but you only saw my legs, o.k., it was about 100 legs but damn it, I was in a commercial!) During the next 13 or 14 years we did State Fairs, banquets, store openings and ladies' club functions! I was in 12 recitals and even appeared in a comedy dancing sketch on a hokey cable show. I didn't care what I was, how I was dressed, as long as I could perform. Hey, I've been Poppa Smurf, Lisa Simpson and Barney among other characters for crying out loud! (Those big, stinky Disney like costumes are hell to perform in!) I've also sang in a church band, a middle school chorus and I loved to Karaoke at a neighborhood hang out where I used to live in FL.

Performing along with teaching are the two things in my life that I've really felt passionate about. I miss it so much. Now isn't the right time to try any acting due to circumstances to boring to discuss here but it's all about timing right now. Oh my goodness,..I forgot to add writing to my list of things that truly turn my spirit on!

This summer while my youngest daughter was here, she and I watched ALL the Media movies. They are hysterical. It was then that I realized what it was I wanted to do one day. Yes, I definitely want to go into voice over. God has blessed me with a good speaking voice and a desire and a flair for dramatics but there's something more for me to accomplish. I want to help others with my talents and skills. I want them to be in service to others or else they would seem wasted.

If you've ever seen the Media movie or especially the stage plays you know there's always a story with a message and it's a message of God's love, forgiveness, empowerment and redemption. Now I'm not sure I would feel comfortable presenting the message with an-in-your-face religious point of view but the ideals are ones everyone understands. It's HOW the message is brought to you. My way would definitely include a spiritual angle AND lots of humor!

In 2001, I was sitting on a bed in someone else's bedroom. I rented the room from my boss's sister. I had just left my husband and with that came me leaving my kids to a certain extent. I was lost, lonely, confused, in a state of denial and I didn't know what end was up. But from the depths of this uncertainty came a little voice that said, "Rubble, you will one day talk/address 100,000 women. Your message will be one of hope to them." and blah blah blah....

I stopped and thought, "right, me? How the hell can that be..look at me,..I don't even know what I'm doing? How can someone in my position even BEGIN to think of one day helping others????"

But that little voice has stuck with me, all these years. And when I saw the stage shows I had a fleeting thought... could I do something like that? Could I one day be involved in a stage show, a show, a program, a lecture circuit? Could I really find myself one day, in front of hundreds and hundreds of people talking about believing, affirming, letting go and thanking the universe?

Stranger things have happened.

For now, my days are pretty stress-less. It's a mini-hiatus that might continue a few more months. It's courtesy of God and my fiance. I worked very hard for many years and someone thinks I need and deserve a break? But I also know this is time to figure out what my next few moves are. Next year I know I want to take acting lessons, take writing lessons and start that voice over coaching.

Who knows what the future holds!

But it's my soul's intention to take what I'm good at and what I truly find JOY in to help others and I'm sure in that, I'll be making myself a happier person, a more fulfilled person!

~pr~

Sun....Scorpio
Moon...Taurus (fat and happy and we do love a good Cabernet.)
Phase...Gibbous
Time...1 pm or close to it.
Weather...cool and sunny in DC
Sound...silence
Mood...slight headache in temples (so wot's new)
BirthdayShoutOuts To: Diddy (or whatever he's calling himself these days.)(#36) Matthew McConaughey (mmm-hmm!) (#37) and uh,...hate to bring that family up but,...Laura Bush (#60) come on ladies, give her her props, they are a healthy, good looking couple, politics aside! ) I'd like to be that nice looking and healthy in 15 years!

QuoteDiva sez: "I understand the concept of cooking and cleaning, just not as it applies to me." -magnet on my fridge.

...

I've had numerous people ask me what a Sabian symbol is and several others have asked me about all this astrology stuff. To the right of my blog is "SabianSymbols" which will take you directly to the site I frequent. It's there that I randomly select my symbol of the day to write about!

As far as astrology, I became interested in it when I got my first Dell pocket book "YOUR YEAR FOR TAURUS" for my 14th X-MAS, it was one of my stocking gifts. It was weird, it was mysterious, it was looking back on it, very general but it got me hooked and it was a starting point!

In the years following, I bought every book I could find on astrology. This was before Internet so you really had to scour. I found a lot of books in used book stores but the books smelled musty and little creepy things would come home inside them but I didn't care!

In the 80's I studied under a professional for a short time before she died and I attended an astrology class at a local rec. center for 6 weeks. Most of my studies, however, have been on my own.

In the 90s a friend got me the solar fire program and in 2000, I discovered Astrodienst (which is really easy for the lay man to understand.)

So for the past 30 years, I've really been into it and have enjoyed it immensely. I would admit however, that despite my knowledge, it's a case of "physician, heal thyself." I don't always heed the warnings I have seen in the heavens! But then how many times have you seen an overweight doctor or nurses that smoke. Sometimes you just can't take your own good advice!

When my kids were born, I did their charts and then double checked them against computer generated charts. And you know,..they are awful close. My kids are teens but it's true, the oldest, Miss Virgo with a Scorpio Moon, is closed mouth and secretive. My middle child, Gemini with no air signs to speak of, is a very concrete thinker and has had mental challenges we have had to work with and around. My youngest, a Capricorn with a Leo Rising, is definitely a black and white thinker and loves the spotlight.

And now for a little note about the recent stuff happening in the Stream with a bit of an astrological twist

Sun is in passionate, intense Scorpio.

Moon presently is in more loving Taurus but a few days ago, it was headstrong Aries and wacky, out there, eccentric Aquarius!

Mercury is not only appearing to go backwards in the heavens (we call it Retrograde) but it's in Scorpio as well so not only is there everything to do with miscalculations, missteps, misunderstandings, mistakes and mishaps in regards to the physical body BUT communications as well. (Mercury IS the planet of communications! Or in this case, miscommunications ) We have another few weeks of it too I'm afraid. Things will clear up around the 20th. Just make sure you dot your i's and cross your t's and think before you speak!

Venus the loving planet is in Scorpio too, so WOW...intense, passionate, secretive, sexy! But there's also a good chance to be misunderstood. Don't take it out on each other in bed...(unless you that's all good for you! Different strokes man!

Mars, the planet of energy and action...SCORPIO!! Woo hoo, we're surrounded! A lot of intense energy swirling around all of us these days!

Neptune, the planet of illusion and delusion, mystery and enigma is in the equally mysterious and sensitive Pisces. Neptune could very well describe certain aspects of the cyber world in it's surrealistic nature. Between Neptune and Pisces, you have an illusion-filled existence. It's important to know how to separate the real and the not so real. This combination makes it difficult to draw lines of distinction and when the Pisces nature gets their feelings hurt on an individual or mass scale, look out, all heck can break loose, especially with so much Scorpio vibes bouncing around out there. Remember, with Scorpios, the influence might forgive, but it never, ever forgets an insult either perceived or real! It's just the nature of the beast.

AND OMG...JUPITER IS HAND IN HAND WITH SCORPIO TOO?? AI AI AI! Jupiter is a big fat happy planet and whatever sign it's in, it gives the individual a double, maybe triple heaping of whatever that area is in life where it's glowing! For me, it was a double edge sword...Jupiter sat all mirthful and giving in the work sector but that's also health so yeh, I got to quit my job this year, yeh, my life is better and less stressful but fer cryin' out loud...I gained 25lbs in a little over a year!!! Oh yeh, Jupiter loves to give!!!

For me, Jupiter will be moving along to my 7th house of marriage and partnerships and that sounds about right as next year we are getting married! I hope Jupiter continues to shine and be all benevolent in my life with fiance!!

Bottom line, the stream has undergone a bit of a strange few months. "As above, so below" the alignment of stars and planets and illuminaries have made it so! BUT the good news is, "THERE'S GOT TO BE A MORNING AFTER!!!" (remember that scene from the old Poseidon Adventure?)

Around the 20th-23rd, it will be a dawning of a new day! We'll wake up and see blue skies, white fluffy clouds, singing birds, the sun will glow extra brighter, some of us will be enjoying the first snowflurries and the holidays will be headed our way and we'll have a whole new set of stresses but as far as the stream, I predict (pr takes out crystal ball, takes Windex and gives it a good going over.) that people will come together and remember that the foremost reason we are here is that deep down in all our souls is the writer, the communicator, not the fighter, not the hater. We writers are a special breed.

Some of us might be here to debate and politely agitate but were communicators. We have the need to be heard in various ways and means. For most of us, it's not our intention to strike out and hurt, but to strike out with ideas and concepts. We put experiences down to share or to help ourselves gain a different perspective. Our reasons are many but our sole purpose, our deep down purpose is the same. WE LOVE TO COMMUNICATE, the ways we do it are different and some of us enhance the writing with photographs, poetry, and humor.

Well, my real life calls, it's Saturday and I need to separate fact from fiction, my cyber world from my every day world and as great as you guys are,...none of you are going to get the house cleaned! Soo...it's up to me! Ms. Taurus!

Enjoy your weekend!

Ad astra per aspera! -To the stars through difficulties!

~pr~Namaste Peace, Love, Light and Happiness!

Sun...Scorpio
Moon...Aries (think before you speak!)
Phase...Gibbous
Time...11:30am
Weather...41 degrees and sunny in DC
Song...Michael Buble, "Feelin' Good" (I LOVE his CD!)
Mood...woke up at 5am couldn't get back to sleep...I'm tired! But gonna' finish this daily post! BirthdayShoutOuts to: (my old crush,) Adam Ant (#52) Roseanne (#54) and Dennis Miller (#53)

QuoteDiva sez: "I used to want to be someone. I should have been more specific!" -Lily Tomlin

SabianChallenge: A mother leads her small child step by step up the stairs. This pictures a situation where someone needs to assist those less able, experienced or indeed less evolved, to overcome differences and rise to up and learn to cope, learn and understand. The internal mother leading the inner child.

...

December 5, 1997. My first day at the preschool. I've been hired on as an aide to Ms. Sharon. I know nothing about being an aide much less a preschool teacher! I'm trying to be as helpful as I can for Sharon. I'm attempting to monitor handwashing. It's going o.k. when all of a sudden this little 3-1/2 year old (we'll call him "Pedro") starts shoving the boy in front of him. I look down at him, furrow my brow and firmly tell him, "Excuse me sir, but Ms. Sharon told you to stand in line nicely and wash your hands!" Pedro straddles his legs, places his hands stubbornly on his hips, furrows his little brow back at me and proclaims defiantly, "My name is not 'sir', it's Pedro!!!"



I think to myself, what did I get myself into? Why oh why did I ever quit that $7.50 an hour typing job this close to Christmas and is my musty, windowless cubby still available because it's looking pretty good now! I thought working in a preschool would be a cakewalk!



Teaching preschool became more than a mere job, it was a calling. As a small child I gathered my stuffed animals around the chalkboard and played teacher. Some thirty years later, the stuffed animals had been replaced by real live girls and boys!



I've always had the heart and soul for educating, communicating and motivating. At one point, my audience was dance students but at this point it was children ages 3 and 4 years old. Perhaps in 5 or ten years, it will be different once again.



Is working with children always easy? No! Do we as teachers sometime question our level of commitment and direction of purpose? Yes! Do we regret some of our decisions? Sometimes. Come to think of it, the same thing can be said of parenting! All of us have had such transient thoughts. The operative word is "transient." As long as they come and go, we're o.k. If we realize, when all is said and done, how important our roles are as fellow human beings in this one-song we call life, then we can forge ahead with our individual missions with purposeful intent.



Just when your spirit takes a temporary nosedive; when you're about to invite yourself to your own pity party, God usually sends you a much needed moment of "Satori" or, enlightenment. I'd like to share with you such a story.



A few years ago I was leaving work. I was headed to the parking lot when I heard, "Hey, Miss Rubble!" I turned around in time to see a cute boy, about ten riding up to me on his bike. I recognized him and smiled saying, "I haven't seen you in about two years! You're as tall as I am now!" He and I chit chatted for a bit and then I shared a little anecdote that involved him. As I was telling the story to him, he straddled his bike, readjusted his grip on the handlebars, furrowed his brow, cocked his head and looked absolutely incredulous!



"I said that?!" Asked the little boy. "That was pretty rude! Did I get put on time out? Did I say I was sorry?" I laughed and explained it was o.k., little kids sometimes don't know any better and that's what we were here to help teach them,...manners, social graces, and how to take turns. (Among other things!)



Thank you God for this wonderful moment of instant awakening. I patted the boy on the shoulder and he rode off into the sunset not knowing he had been part of my Satori! My young friend's name, Pedro, of course!



I often think of the irony; here I was living out my childhood dream of being a teacher and yet it was actually the other way around. When all is said and done, its been hundreds upon hundreds of students who have taught me! But I admit, like many teachers, every once in awhile, I wondered if I was on the right path. My answer comes not with heaven-sent fanfare or thunderous applause here on earth but in the compliment from a parent, the acknowledgment from a co-worker or a heartfelt, child-given apology 7 years after the fact! Sometimes it comes in the form of a much subtler "inner knowing" and blessed assurance that yes, you ARE in the right place at the right time doing the right thing! Smile

THE END...~PR~

Sun...Scorpio
Moon...Aries (time to just DO THE THING!)
Phase...Gibbous (don't stop short, the finish line is up ahead!)
Time...2:15pm
Weather...54 and sunny in DC
Song...you're not going to believe this,.."It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" -Andy Williams. (Way to go WJFK) (geez!)
Mood...o.k.
BirthdayShoutOuts To: Daniel Boone, Nelly (#32) Marie Antoinette and k.d. lang (#45)

QuoteDiva Sez: "We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same." -Carlos Casteneda

SabianChallenge: Libra 20 degrees. A Jewish Rabbi in a tiny room full of many manuscripts and books performing his duty. There is age old wisdom and established tradition which has survived to this day. You may need to access this knowledge through instruction or an inner search to be able to deal with your situation. Caution: over inflated sense of self.

...

Some are harder to write about than others. This is a toughie.

Let me think on it a few more seconds... ...

One of my former preschool students' parents gave me a Bible on my last day of work in March. The father is a...father! Father G. and a funny man, great sense of humor and I like the fact that he is married, has a wife, son and loves a good cigar and a great glass of wine from time to time! He isn't one of those uptight religious guys. In fact some of the emails he sends me makes me shake my head as well as giggle.

He gave me this Bible and I said thanks but I wanted to tell him that I have about two others at home that people have given me over the past five years since being on my own. Was it God that keeps giving me Bibles?

I don't understand Bible speak but I also know I haven't tried to understand it. I know there are aides you can buy to help put the Bible in lay man's terms. I think there might even be Bibles that are written in laymen's terms? Geez, I got the Internet, I'm sure things like that are just a click away!

I have tried to read the Bible but when you don't understand the language, it gets almost impossible! And while I have some problems with some stuff in the Bible, I do appreciate the fact that there is a lot of good lessons in the Good Book.

I was telling a fellow blogger the other day that I am curious about all religions. I have thought for years how enjoyable it would be to take a theology class. I don't rule that out for the future. I don't look down on any religion. I don't know enough about any of them to do that. I know a lot about being a Roman Catholic so I can speak to that. And I say, not my bag man. But for those that are Catholic and proud of it I say, good on ya'! I am not about to get into any debate! I'm a horrible debater and don't like arguing so that would fizzle out quickly if anyone tried to argue politics and religion to me. It'd be like arguing with a wall. Wouldn't do anything for the wall, but you'd get hoarse from your screaming of preaching.

I'm sure there are things in the Bible that might help me with the personal issues I have today. I do not in anyway discount its valuable lessons.

I even have a favorite passage! It comes from Matthew 21:21.

You know, it just might be a good time to look it up and read it again. Something tells me it's a good day to "access" this "established traditional wisdom"? Who knows, there might be a gem, a nugget of useful advice or instruction waiting for me on this, my inner search!?



~pr~