Sun...Libra
Moon...Virgo (time to "clean house!" whether psychologically OR physically!)
Phase...last quarter (but ugh, were torn between our laziness and being productive!)
Time: 3:07pm
Weather...soggy, overcast 59 degrees in DC
Sound...Elton John..."you can tell everyone, this is your song.."
Mood...I want to write all day/must get that damned wash done...
QuoteDiva sez: "Our ability to relax into life reflects our willingness to trust." -anon.

SabianChallenge: Leo 7 degrees. The wonder of the constellations of stars in the nite sky. The bigger questions are likely to be in your mind. Even simple issues should be seen against the background of something greater. Caution: ignoring down to earth issues. Missing small details. Not seeing the wonder of the small things in life.

...

Again, I think to myself, you know, there is something to meditating for a few minutes and then choosing my daily sabian symbol. Today I was just telling a fellow blogger that with the moon in Virgo, were feeing this compulsion to get things done but the phase of the moon is such that were being torn between getting done what needs to be done and just saying screw it and vegging infront of the monitor or tv!

I found myself talking astrology and the sabian symbol that came up was about the stars and astrology! It fits and it's a fav. topic of mine. For everything I don't understand about basic math, I know about astrology.

I'm not here to argue or debate. But I am here to tell my kids about my start in astrology!

As Sophia on Golden Girls always says,.."Picture it.." Christmas, 1976... I'm opening up my stocking gifts and I open this very small package up and it's a Dell pocket book about Taurus for 1977. I didn't know ANYTHING about astrology at that stage. I read the book and that was the beginning of my love affair with the study of the divination of stars and planets.

I know a lot about it but like so many..it's a case of physician, heal thyself. How many drs and nurses do you see walking around who are overweight and smoking!? I know things, I can see patterns and trends and yet I sometimes forget or choose to ignore and then something happens and it's a case of told myself so!

I told my fellow blogger to just focus on what the moon is up to for day-to-day things. The moon is constantly waxing and waning and flowing from one sign to another every two days.

Dear Oldest Daughter, when you were born, I knew that you'd have a sharp mind and that I would never really know you! I was right. I knew you'd be a great right hand "man" for me and you were, especially when it came to helping me with your two younger siblings. I always knew you'd have a way about you that made other people come to you with their problems. That came true AND now you want to be a psychologist!? You'd make a great one!

Dear Son, when you were just a baby, after reading your chart, I knew you would have some challenges in life. I knew you'd be a creature of habit and you'd always love your mom and not stray far from home! So true!

Dear Youngest Daughter. After checking out your profile, it was crystal clear, you'd be the one that loves the spotlight! And you toy with being an actress and singer! Your chart said to me, this little one will need help in understanding that the world isn't always black and white, there are areas of grey...and chartreuse and magenta!! You are a pragmatic person in your thinking. You are endearing to all that know you but sometimes lately, at school, it seems you need to rein in your comments!!! I think your outspoken-ness gets you in a little trouble! You are a Leo rising.."hear me roar!" LOL

My fiance is an Aries. He's ardent and assertive when he needs to be but he also has Pisces rising so he is very compassionate and sensitive. He is more intuitive than I am. Very romantic.

As the sabian symbol interpretation says,...there's a problem with seeing details. I am NOT a details person. I tend to "collect" Virgos! All my life, the majority of people that I call friends and close acquaintances have been Virgos. And I know why! I'm very much a Gemini (cusp of Taurus/Gemini) and we tend to skim the surface and see the whole forest but we have a hard time focusing and concentrating on a single tree. With Virgos, it's ALL about the details and they sweat over them as well! They have a hard time stepping back and seeing the entire woodland scene.

(I'm talking very generally here...the more one studies astrology, the more they realize it's like a skin on an onion...layer upon layer.)

Not focusing on the details has gotten me in a lot of trouble! That and assuming and procrastinating! I admit it. I'm working on those faults. The assuming is just laziness. The procrastinating is all about my fear of the unknown my lack of attending to details is usually due to not wanting to take the time and deal with life's mundane details and if you skirt them, if you put them on the back burner,...9 times outta' 10, they'll come back to bite you in the ass later. I'm learning to check the facts or else. I still screw up. There's a sign around my neck..."work in progress!"

I respect people who have a problem with astrology. Some say "hooey", some think its of the devil. I don't get into those debates. What I say is after 30 years-I very much believe in it and I like to think that it's just another tool in the toolbox of life.

Forewarned is forearmed!

Ad astra, per aspera (to the stars through difficulties.)
As above, so below.

~pr~

PS) One nite, back in like 1983, a guy actually came up to me and very drunkenly asked,..."What's yo sign baby?"

....

I looked at him square in the eye and said,..."Well, I'm a Taurus Sun, Sag. Moon, my Mercury and Venus are BOTH in Gemini so I'm actually more Gemini than Taurus, technically, you can call me a "cusp baby."

He stumbled back and looked off into space and walked away mumbling incoherently HAH! Mission accomplished! Hopefully, that was the last time he used THAT hackneyed line on a woman!

~pr~

Sun...Libra
Moon...Leo (still a creative time, if you can summon the energy!)
Phase...Last Quarter
Time...4:44pm
Sound...the sound of houses bring constructed so I MUST be back home.
Weather...63 degrees and overcast.
Mood...pooped!
QuoteDiva sez: "Affirmation without action is DELUSION!" -anon. (CAN I HEAR AN AMEN!?)

I don't have the mental energy (moon in last quarter and I'm suffering from "tired-as-hell-after-vacation-itis") to do one of my Sabian challenges. I'll be back on the blog track by Wednesday, definitely.

BUT I do want to highly suggest a Broadway show. Of course I was naive enough to think we could just blink = = into reality two tickets to Chorus Line. Gawd, how dumb is that! It's only the longest running show (1975)

So instead we went for Avenue Q and it was hysterical! If you like Muppets that cuss and have sex and if you aren't too keen on George Bush You're gonna' love it! It made me tear up a little in places!

Seriously,...a very entertaining show.

But I'm going back in December and I better see my Chorus Line then and the Rockettes.

I've seen Chorus Line like three times in my life...but it's a show that I never tire of seeing.

Also recommend, "The Lion King." FANTASTIC SHOW!!!!!!!!!

The theater seats were built for size 0-2 people but hey, if you don't mind a little togetherness with your fellow man,....

Dear daughter, "Capricorn with Leo Rising." You know what I always say,....be what you want to be...you'll be great at whatever it is you choose....but as I always say...you are sooo talented, a wonderful actress and not a half bad singer...I could SO see you on stage on Broadway! You say you might want to be a pediatric nurse?! Cool...but hey, you could play one on tv or be a real one WITH HER OWN TV show!

She and I are hams...she's my little honey baked ham!

~pr~

Sun...Libra
Moon...Leo (go outside with your kids and PLAY!)
Phase...Last Quarter (YOU may not feel like playing today tho', energy might be low ebb, but play anyway...THEY need you to play with them!)
Time...12:42pm
Weather...very mild and sunny, hi of 60 in NYC
Sound..."The Riddle"-- Five for Fighting
Mood...excited to see "Avenue Q"!
QuoteDiva sez: "Breathe like an aware Buddha, smile like a wise god/dess (Mooncircles.com)

Sabian challenge: Leo 25 degrees. A large camel crossing a vast and forbidding desert. You may find that your situation has already been an arduous journey but there is still further to go. Be confident that you have the reserves and endurance to survive until the end.

...When I was teaching dance, I found myself giving plenty of students pep talks. It was part of the job to rally the troops and keep them focused as a group, especially when working on competition numbers and recitals. After many weeks or months of working on a number or two over and over again, many of them were tiring of the steps, the music and my constant nagging and discipline! They had lost the fire they started with when I first gave them the choreography.

I had to tell them to not stop short of the finish line! You've come this far, don't stop now! When you actually get out on that stage, that night, that is the first time that the audience and or judges are seeing you. They don't care about the weeks or months you've been working on the number. THAT is your finish line! Don't stop short of it!

And imagine if an Olympic runner was to do that! They've worked all lives for this moment and about a foot from the line they just STOP! You can barely imagine such a moment!

I admit, I've done that a few times in my life. I did it with college. I tried college three different times. The first time I quit it was because of one reason, although I would tell people it was for two reasons. I told people that my mom was becoming more and more ill with cancer and that's why I was doing poorly in math so I figured I'd get out before they could kick me out! I didn't get tutoring. I just went as far as I could go without them saying,...uh Miss Rubble, your grades stink. Instead of getting the help I needed, I became unmotivated and blamed it all on my mom's ill health. You see, if I really wanted to get better and get through the math courses, I COULD have. There was nothing physically stopping me. And while it was horrible to watch my mom slowly dying of cancer, again, it really wasn't that much of a contributing factor. I can tell you, deep down,..it was purely me and my fear and perhaps laziness about conquering math. Instead, I let it continue to conquer and control ME.

The second time I quit it was in early '84 and once again the math got me but this time I did get tutoring and because I have such a math anxiety, I just couldn't do it. My tutor made me feel small and stupid. She had little patience. And that just goes to show you that just because you can do something, doesn't mean you can teach it! And once again because I have this fear of math, I couldn't even handle the idea of switching tutors. I couldn't go through that humiliation again!

The last time I tried school was in 1985 and once again the same old story. I said that's it, I don't need people (and ones YOUNGER THAN ME NOW) making me feel like shit. It's not worth it.

I also stopped short of finishing a medical transcription course in 1987 because I was pregnant and my dad was dying. Instead of continuing after baby Virgo was born and after dad died, I settled into married life and continued teaching dance.

People have often told me I should be a school teacher but that never happened because of the math involved. I even needed algebra to get a degree in PRESCHOOL education. The other idea I toyed with was becoming a Speech Pathologist. Always ended up the same, with me realizing that I would have this mathematical (aka mental/emotional) obstruction on my path.

My problems with numbers started as early as first grade. Many of my friends have also told me that I should master math because I would probably be an excellent teacher. When I taught dance, I sometimes had to come up with very ingenious, creative ways of getting a step across to an array of student. Some were deaf, some had cerebral palsy, others had little musicality, and still others just didn't get dance! But I never turned a student away no matter how old they were. There was a way to teach anyone! You just had to find out what worked with them! Were they visual, auditory, did they need to do a step a million times to get it. Did they have more of a dramatic streak than dance ability? Were they better with more simplified explanations. Did they count everything. Did they have a problem picking up on patterns?

What I needed in my past, math wise was that kind of teacher. I needed a teacher that realized one size did not fit all.

To be honest, at this point, I'm not going to be going out hunting down a tutor. I've regrettably decided to stop short and say screw it. The problem is too ingrained. Like smoking, it's become a habit to say, I can't do math. Now it's part of my identity. Not a part I like mind you.

BUT in striving for this new career in voice over and in my writing, I don't want to stop short. Even in my desire to take acting lessons and see where that takes me, I DONT want to stop short. I want to prove to myself that I AM like that stoic camel, trudging through the hot Sahara. I need to develop this mental control, the control it will take to stay on task and not let ME get in my own way. I could easily do that through my lack of confidence and my fear of failing and letting people down.

I can't let past disappointments and present day mental obstacles get in my way. I need to remember I DO have the inner resolve and endurance to help me NOT stop short of the finish line.

~pr~

Sun...Libra
Moon...Leo (get out and EXPRESS yourself creatively!)
Phase...Last Quarter
Time..5:40pm
Weather...50 degrees here in NYC
Sound..."Build Me Up Buttercup." (I'm 6 again!)
Mood...All good.
QuoteDiva sez: "Winter is an etching, Spring a watercolor, Summer an oil painting and Autumn a mosaic of them all." -Stanley Horowitz

*WOW, so happy to have had the chance to write a post today! I didn't think I'd be able to do so! Here I am in a hotel room in NY and I have commandeered my fiance's laptop for a couple of hours! I didn't expect to be able to do this until late Monday! Cool! let me take advantage of the opportunity!

Sabian Challenge: Leo 16 degrees. Brilliant sunshine just after the storm. The storm has come through and swept away elements of life that have been clogging up the situation cleaning the air and resolving issues. Good news after bad. Relief and joy.

....

This is funny, I was just sending a fellow 'streamer' a quick note about how a few years back, I lost my electricity due to hurricanes [remember, FL girl for 29 years.] and now I choose a symbol that says sunshine after the storm!

We used to really hate it down there, especially the year we had four hurricanes come through. And I lost my electricity a few times, once for three and a half days. It was hellacious. But the good news was that one day, the 'canes would be done and the sun would indeed come out and that's the way it worked. The sun ALWAYS came out again.

I would describe myself as an optimist. I admit though I seem fatalistic when I say that I'm doing this blog for my kids, just in case anything should happen to me be it tomorrow or 20 years from now. Some would say that's just being realistic. Some people who have never experienced death in their lives feel as though it can't happen to them. I know better. The feeling that I will one day die certainly does not stop me from living. But I'm always quite cognizant that my time might come tomorrow or as I cross the street here in NYC tonite while going to dinner! It doesn't stop me from getting out in the street! But it does make me more aware of making sure I call my kids and post something here on my blog before I leave!

It's when your fear paralyzes you and makes you a prisoner that you're letting it own you. I OWN my awareness. It doesn't control me in an adverse way. It actually prevents me from getting to complacent and taking loved ones for granted.

My glass is about always half filled! That's how I function best. I am non confrontational and I look on the bright side. . Now short of something happening to my fiance and especially my children, I don't think I could ever get depressed. I've mentioned that I get melancholy at best. But I just don't have the chemical imbalance or I'm not predisposed (however you want to say it) to depression and that's a good thing. I know some people who suffer varying degrees of depression (including my stepmother) and I see these people and I find it sad that their bodies do this to them. They could be very happy, optimistic people but their bodies genetics betray them.

Yes, I am fortunate in that respect. I get sad, I cry, I get reflective but I don't get down in the dumps. I'm not a raging Pollyanna but I do have a more happy-go-lucky, positive approach to life.

Another reason why I do is because for the most part, I have had a great life. My parents loved each other, they showed this love, they loved me, I always felt loved, safe and taken care of so it's all I knew in my formative years.

In my 20s, I still had a pretty good life. Oh sure, there were some bumps in the marriage and in my life in general but overall, I can't complain too much. There were just a few really down times ("down" by my standards, not yours, it's all relative.) but even as I was going through them, I knew one personal truth...

The sun would come out tomorrow! Blue skies would welcome me as I opened the door the next day! Rough times had happened to me before and things worked out o.k. so why should this time be any different. I was conditioned by past experiences to expect the best.

Now mind you, like I said, there were a few times when I doubted whether the sun would appear the next day. I think I knew in my heart of hearts but on the surface I had gotten myself in a bad way and that half full glass had been tipped over and the water was slowly draining out.

But I'd say these times were so few that I just chalk it up to "that's life." Who said this life would be without any hardships? There's got to be some lows so that when the highs happen they are more remarkable and obvious! And as I once told my kids, I believe one of the reasons we have bad or not-so-nice things happen to us is because these are classes. Life is school and all our experiences are like different subjects. I used to hate math but I took it and I learned from it. I loved English and I learned from that too... I learned from the dance classes, the home ec., typing, science, German etc..

Not all were great classes, hell, some were downright horrible! But they all went into the mix to make me the student I was by the time I hit my graduation day.

And let's say that you graduate and you run into a freshman the next year. They are kvetching and whining and worried about what will happen to them. Guess what? You've been there and done it so you can add your words of wisdom to help them. Were here to make other people's lives a little easier! You can really sympathize with these little 9th graders!

And let's say you are both in your freshman year and your friend is anxious and crying about their classes. Guess who can be there with a shoulder and an ear! Safety in numbers! And who better to empathize with a 14 year olds fears than another 14 year old!

This is what life is like. We have these negative things come up in our lives and when we meet someone else going through some tough times you can not only sympathize but in many cases empathize.

What if you had never had anything bad happen to you and you run into someone who just lost their mom or their dog or who was diagnosed with Lou Gherigs or someone who had gotten a flat tire, broken their arm or made a bad decision with the opposite sex!? How well would you be able to relate to anything they were saying? How would they accept you? They'd say, why am I talking to you, how can you possibly understand!?

Oh but this way you do!

And you know what else I've told my kids? These unfortunate circumstances that happen in our lives actually go a long way to refine our spirit and define who we are. They are like the tests we have to take in these "classes" They help develop and reveal our character (or lack of).

I believe there is a God and God to me is this universal love that most of us are capable of exhibiting. The bad stuff that happens are simply opportunities for growth, physically, mentally, emotionally and yes,...spiritually.

I've made mistakes as a parent but one thing I hope my children will take with them into their lives about their mother,...that for the most part I had faith and optimism that there would be brilliant sunshine just after each storm that came my way.

~pr~

Sun...Libra
Moon...Cancer (introspective and moody.)
Moon Phase...getting skinnier!
Time...1:20pm
Weather...the eve of a cold front here in DC but now mild and mid 70s.
Sound...Josh Grobin (perfect for this Cancer Moon!)
Mood...expectant (eagerly awaiting to leave for NYC in a few hours!)
QuoteDiva sez: "All that glitters is not gold."

Sabian Challenge: Scorpio 28 degrees. The King of Fairies approaching his domain. There's a need to feel at home and in charge of one's domain. Feeling alien is not going to work now. There's a need to feel accepted and loved.

...

I don't think it's a coincidence that I am choosing sabians with reoccuring themes. (If you're really curious about this whole sabian thing, I encourage you to do some research-it's fascinating.) Anyway...a major theme throughout my life has been these feelings of not fully belonging. These feelings and circumstances have already been explored in other posts. So let me take a different angle.

I live in a big house that doesn't have a lot of furniture. It's nearly $900,000.00 Yeh, I know right! But it's not MINE. It doesn't really feel like mine. Everything about the structure was chosen by my fiance and his ex wife. She never got a chance to move in and decorate it, although she wouldn't have done too much. Part of her OCD was this inability to decorate much past the basics. Hard to explain and it would take too much time.

I hope to one day move into a slightly smaller house and really make it my own! We hope to move in the spring. This is just too much house for me.

Before I lived here, I lived in a one room efficiency. It was all I could handle. Before that, my ex and I had a two bedroom "fixer upper"...well it didn't start off that way. In 1987 when we first moved in, it was him, me and our 2 month old. But then we had two more kids, a dog and then the money just wasn't there. So when things broke down, they stayed broken down.

Before then, I lived in mostly apartments and nice clean, small homes. The way I have been living the past 19 years was so foreign to me before then. It was hard for me to have anyone over in either places. They were not showcases by any stretch.

I always wanted a home that I could host a party. I've never been able to be on my own turf. I want people to come to MY home. I love the idea of entertaining, just never had a chance.

Now I do. Well...again, funny,..I still can't really have people over...we don't have any living room furniture! It's ironic, you have this almost million dollar home and no furniture! The whole process of divorce is a tough one financially and that's what the fiance is going through. So needless-to-say were not on our feet...yet.

But I can't wait for the day when I move into a house that really feels like mine. A place where I truly "belong" in regards to physically and have decorated it with things that reflect both fiance and I. I look around and I see all the construction that is going on around me. So many big, expensive houses, but none of them "homes" yet. That's what I feel this is...a house, not quite a home.

I want a smaller house. I want my youngest living with me. I wish my son wanted to move but he wants to stay with dad in FL. I have a 19 year old that while she lives with me, I don't really know her and she has her own life and doesn't invite me into her world much.

All these things go into the mix of making me feel still kind of alone deep inside. I the world's best fiance, to be sure and I take nothing away from him but were dimensional beings, even in our souls and while I treasure what he can give me and what he is to me, there's still part of me that longs for and misses things. I still have needs that he can't do too much about.

One day I'll have that home, that really feels like mine and I may have my youngest girl up here with me and I may one day feel like I belong. Until then, I carry on, keep busy and continue my soul searching.

I'm not asking for sympathy or advice. Remember, the main reason for this blog at all is as a record of the highs, lows and middles of my life so that one day my children will see the process, the steps along the way for their mother!

Now certainly, when people read other people's blogs, they feel compelled to comment for whatever reason. But sometimes, when a writer writes of their experience, their initial intent is simply to express.

Last night my fiance was on a tarmac in Washington waiting to go to NY. His flight was delayed for two reasons, one, the weather, and two, the terrible accident that took the life of that young baseball player. He called me from the plane. I told him I get nervous when he goes on a plane without me. I told him I loved him and call me as soon as he touches down. I keep thinking that a wife and young son can't ever hear from their husband and daddy again. There was no calling when he touched down.

You never know when it's your time-let your loved ones know you love them. This is what I try to do every time I post. I always want them to know how important they are to me and that I'm always thinking of them no matter how far away they are. They are always close to me.

I'm off to NYC today...won't be back until Monday. Blog with all of you then! Take Care everybody and have a great weekend!